The Raw Review 8/20/2012

I'm doing things a little differently for this weeks review. Instead of going over the entire show, I counted down what I thought were the top five segments. I might just continue to use this format, so let me know what you think. After all I write it for you guys.

5. Brodus Clay vs Damien Sandow

I am really getting into Damien Sandow's character. The guy is a not only a pretty good wrestler, but he is a unique personality in a sea of cookie cutter grapplers.

On the flip side is Brodus Clay. I loved Clay when he first debuted The Funkasaurus character. However, WWE just never did anything with him. Before his feud with Sandow began, I had pretty much written the guy off.

The match was short, but succeeded in furthering the storyline. Sandow pulls the tights to pick up a cheap win. Clay then attacks after the match and gets a little revenge by hitting the big splash on Sandow.

I say continue this for a few more weeks, and blow it off at Night of Champions.

4. Brock the Conqueror

After losing to Cena at Extreme Rules, Brock Lesnar was made to look like an afterthought. WWE portrayed him as a mere stepping stone to help Cena save face after losing to The Rock at Wrestlemania. And so I guess they felt they had to have Triple H do the same for Lesnar, which is good. Brock has his heat back, but this on and off setup they have with Lesnar is ridiculous. It's hard to get behind someone who might not be there for months on end.

This entire segment was to show the world that Brock Lesnar laid waste to 'The King of Kings', and in doing so he redeemed himself in the eyes of the world. It's too bad that later in the show Lesnar Touted that he is leaving the WWE. I assume that maybe he will go away until Survivor Series, where he will have a rematch with Triple H.

And we all know how that one will end...

3. Shawn Michaels pours his heart out

No one knows better than Shawn Michaels what it's like to have your career end at the hands of another wrestler. It's happened to him twice, one time for real, the other through a storyline.

While we all know that Triple H isn't going to retire yet, it's a safe bet that his time in the ring in winding down. The match at Wrestlemania 28 against The Undertaker, really was ''The End of an Era''. While both men hadn't wrestled full time since 2009, the Hell in a Cell match was a way of telling the world that their individual runs were coming to an end.

I believe that Shawn's words tonight were not only aimed at Hunter, but also The Undertaker and anyone who has ever stepped into the ring.

2. Dolph Ziggler vs Chris Jericho

Earlier in the night, AJ set up this match, with the rules being that if Ziggler lost then he loses the Money in the Bank contract. But if Jericho loses, he is done with WWE.

This wasn't nearly as good as their match at Summerslam. In fact, it was pretty sloppy at times. I never thought that I would say that about a match involving either guy. But it was still better than most of the stuff on this episode.

The ending was never really in doubt. It's no secret that Jericho is embarking on a tour with his band Fozzy, and would be taking another hiatus from wrestling. So he puts over Ziggler on the way out. The way it's supposed to be done.

I had two problems with this. One, they are already in the middle of a retirement storyline with Triple H. So the way they went about this was overkill. And secondly, After the match while Ziggler was showing off like only he can do, Y2J grabs the MITB briefcase and nails Dolph with it. Afterwards he lays him out with The Codebreaker, and walks up the ramp for possibly the last time.

If I had booked this segment, There would have been no retirement stipulation. I would have just had Ziggler DESTROY Jericho after the match. That way Jericho could leave, and he would have a built in storyline for his return. Makes sense, huh? Maybe that's the problem.

1. CM Punk picks his opponent for Night of Champions

We all know by now that Punk choose John Cena to be the number 1 contender for his WWE Title. But that's not why I put this in the number one spot. It got the top spot because of the excellent back and forth between the two men, and because it furthered Punk's heel turn.

Punk has gone from proclaiming himself to be 'The Best in the World', to demanding that everyone else tells HIM how great he is. It reminds me how he used his straightedge lifestyle in the past. When he was a face, it was a way to show that he was a role model. But once he turned heel, he used as a way to show the world how he is better than them because of it. That's what I love about Punk. He's really never changed. He has ALWAYS been CM Punk.

Cena made some good points, but started to lose me when he said that "Punk has been Champion for 274 days, but all anyone remembers is Punk blowing Vince a kiss and leaving town". That's a crock of shit. I don't know about anyone else, but I remember him for being the guy who has gone out to the ring for the last nine months and stolen the show night in and night out. And not only that, he has done more to return some form of prestige to the WWE Title than anyone in the last decade. Prestige that was lost in large part during Cena's time with the belt.

After Cena leaves, Punk takes out his frustration by kicking Jerry Lawler in the back of the head to end the show.

So Punk continues his turn, and in doing so we have something to look forward to in the weeks to come. I'm certainly intrigued.

Bealer’s Blatherings – The Summerslam Review

You all have the unique pleasure of reading my first ever review! Decided to wait for a larger PPV to make my debut, but unfortunately Summerslam did not live up to the hype. At least in my eyes. I know some will disagree, and I invite you to sound off in the comments below!

PRESHOW: SANTINO MARELLA VS ANTONIO CESARO: UNITED STATES TITLE

I start off my first review with an epic fail. I missed the preshow, as I always seem to do, and can’t judge the match on its merits. I can however, judge it on its booking. I’m a lot more forgiving of Santino that others seem to be, I have to admit. I view him as a modern day Dusty Rhodes, in the sense that he’s doing everything he’s got with the gimmick he’s been given. That being said, I also lean towards the camp that doesn’t want to see a comedy gimmicked character holding what should be a belt that signifies a stepping stone towards one of the world titles. I mean, c’mon. Can you see Santino as a World Champ? Not without a drastic repackaging of his character and a long healthy push to cement him as actually being a viable contender. I haven’t seen much of Cesaro, but I like his gimmick and I think it gives him a lot to work with. I’ll definitely be paying more attention, and I think putting the title on him was the right move, even if it was punishment for Santino for being vocally upset about the state of the ‘E backstage.

CHRIS JERICHO VS DOLPH ZIGGLER

One of the only matches I really enjoyed of the entire night. These two never fail to deliver, and putting them in a match together was definitely a “No duh” for the WWE brass. Jericho seems to be on his way out for another extended break last night, which makes the finish all the more confusing. Jericho has been doing the job for guys who don’t need it since he returned at the beginning of this year. So why have a guy you should be building up, who holds an MITB briefcase, do the job ESPECIALLY via submission? If Jericho was sticking around this wouldn’t have been so bad, but it’s likely we won’t be seeing him again for a while, so his win is essentially for naught. Dolph could have used the rub and gone onto another high profile feud, and instead he just lost to the guy who loses to everyone without a chance for redemption. Hopefully Jericho has one more appearance on Raw tonight and this can be remedied.

MATCH RATING: 7 out of 10 Bealer Boners

DANIEL BRYAN VS KANE

I guess this actually makes three matches on the card I enjoyed, not two, but I still have mixed feelings on this one. D Bry has been ON FIRE lately, regardless of his irrelevant win/loss record as of late. No one has manipulated the crowd quite like Bryan has recently, with the exception of Jericho when he first returned and trolled the hell out of everyone. Whether it’s YES YES YES or NO NO NO, EVERYONE in the arena is on their feet and yelling. When his music hits, on his way to the ring, while he’s caving in someone’s chest with those brutal kicks, to the end of the match, win, lose, or draw, the crowd is captivated the entire time. I’m just waiting for him to turn the “NO”s into “MAYBE”s. Hey, a girl can dream. And while I wouldn’t classify Kane anywhere near the top of my favorites list, I gotta give the guy his due. He gets crapped on as “Just another big guy”, but I feel that he doesn’t get nearly enough credit. He’s always been above average in the ring, especially considering his size. I think he’s a great fit for Bryan, and I’d like to see them take it further. Their match was nothing special, but it was solid. Minus the finish. It would have made more sense for Bryan to lose the match and subsequently his shit, keeping in theme with his “anger management” issues and the whole “NO!” thing, but that’s not what even bothers me. After what seemed like the beginning of a great ending sequence, each guy countering the other, us fans just SALIVATING seeing who it would be to finally nail a clean finisher or submission….aaaaaaaaaand we get a roll up. WTF? That’s more akin to a finish for a Raw match, not a PPV people paid to see. I already have enough issues with roll up finishes, but for it to happen on a PPV as a sour ending to a great match is quite disappointing. I guess that leaves the feud open for more, but still. And that was only the beginning of the wacky finishes we’d see for the rest of the night.

MATCH RATING: 6 out of 10 Bealer Boners. Minus one boner for shitty finish.

REY MYSTERIO VS THE MIZ FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Not a bad match by any means, but kind of a snoozer. I’m not the biggest Mysterio fan, for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because he’s essentially Latino John Cena. The odds are always stacked against him and his matches generally consist of him getting his ass kicked until the end when he SOMEHOW pulls it off. I like the Miz, but he’s kind of grown stale over the last year and seems to have lost his motivation and just kind of dials it in nowadays. We all saw the winner of this one a mile away. With belt reigns now being a lot longer than they’ve been in recent years, and Rey just coming back from suspension/injury, there was no way Miz was dropping that belt after having just won it.

MATCH RATING: 5 out of 10 Bealer Boners. PLUS one for Mysterio coming out dressed as Batrat.

Backstage Punk repeats the same complaints he’s been making for weeks, irritating GMAJ (pronounced GEEMAHJ.) into angrily staring into a wall as if she just caught Berg sniffing her panties again. Waste of airtime, and nothing new. Bitches be crazy.

ALBERTO DEL RIO VS SHEAMUS FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Another uneventful match giving us the same thing we’ve been seeing for months. My opinion of ADR drops by the day, as the guy never does anything memorable. Sheamus is a pretty well rounded Superstar and champion, but really brings nothing special to the table. A solid, if forgettable, match with yet another WTF finish seeing Del Rio get his foot on the ropes but still getting counted down for the three. It doesn’t bother me at all that Sheamus knocked his foot off despite being a babyface, but that we get another finish that makes little sense. This is Summerslam. It’s supposed to be one of the big four PPVs of the year. I understand that you have to keep the audience invested by keeping feuds going, but at one of your marquee events of the year you should at least attempt to provide the fans with some closure in at least a few matches. You can only dangle that carrot in our faces for so long before we don’t care anymore *cough*Cenaheelturnthatwillneverhappen*cough*.

MATCH RATING:  5 out of 10 Bealer Boners. (To be clear, 5 out of 10 is not a “Failing” grade as it would be in school. By my standard, 5 is the median and thus the average.)

TROUBLE IN LITTLE JIMMY’S PARADISE VS PRIMETIME PLAYERS

Another snoozer that would have been better fit for the curtain jerker on Raw than the lead in for a WWE championship match. Titus O Neill actually kind of impressed me during this match, despite being greener than goose shit. Darren “NegaCena” Young can go back to developmental and wipe down the mats for all I care though. After what seemed like a good build up to get the titles off of two random midcarders thrown together, we watch the rookies do the job. I wonder if their at one time seemingly inevitable tag title reign is in jeopardy over the AW situation. I hope not, as I like to see new guys given a chance to grow. It’s all about opportunity, hopefully these guys didn’t just lose theirs.

MATCH RATING: 4 out of 10 Bealer Boners

JOHN CENA VS BIG SHOW VS CM PUNK FOR THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP

Ah, now here we go! The best match on the card, and the only one that probably kept paying customers from feeling completely shafted. Not only was the one of the only three good matches of the night, it really was the only one that lived up to the standard of what a PPV match should be. AND PUNK DIDN’T EVEN CARRY THE WHOLE MATCH! In fact, in my eyes, the success of this match lies almost completely on the Big Show. Sure, the entire match was booked around him dominating and getting teamed up on (and eventually being to both tap and get pinned) but he NAILED it. This is how Show should be all the time. DOMINANT. It would help if he actually got a win every now and then, but that’s beside the point. We got a great double submission spot with Cena slapping on the STF after Punk had already locked on the MOTHERFUCKING KOJI CLUTCH (I mark for that move every time) for the second time in the match! Two Kojis in one match? TAKE MY MONEY WWE! Show taps, and confusion ensues over who got the win. AJ skips her cute little ass down to the ring and does the right thing by restarting the match, saving us yet another BS finish, or worse. I don’t know about you guys, but after seeing Cena attempt the AA on Show three times over the last few weeks, I saw the finish of him finally nailing it but Punk stealing the win from a mile away. Which is fine. It fits the story that’s been told, and just because it’s predictable doesn’t automatically make it bad. I can predict that I’m going to blow a load into Staples’ mouth, doesn’t make it any less satisfying.

MATCH RATING: 8.5 Bealer Boners

HHH VS BROCK LESNAR

Ugh. I had high hopes for this one, and it really didn’t live up. Like so many of HHH’s matches over the last couple years, this was a slow plodding affair. Hunter seems to be in need of more and more rest time during his matches as he ages, and it’s getting more noticeable. Brock wasn’t nearly as aggressive as he was in his match against Cena during Extreme Rules a few months back, which perhaps lends some credibility to the rumors that Brock and Cena don’t get along backstage. At first I thought we might get a repeat of that match, with Brock dominating almost the entire match only to job out at the end, and instead we got a finish reminiscent of Taker/HHH at WM 27. H nails the Pedigree, only to get pulled into a submission as he goes to pick up the scraps. Ho hum, seen it before. The one highlight of the match was that they played into Brock’s real life intestinal issues with HHH targeting his midsection in the second half of the match. I really enjoyed the “chink in the armor” aspect after Brock was launched into the corner of the announcer’s table. The match was horrible or unwatchable, but it in no way lived up to the months of (poorly executed) hype. Definitely not deserving of the main event slot.

Match Rating: 6 out of 10 Bealer Boners.

Overall, none of the matches themselves were completely horrendous. But looking at the PPV as a whole it was a complete clusterfuck of wonky booking decisions and poorly conceptualized finishes. Here’s to hoping Survivor Series nails the quality level of what we should expect from one of WWE’s big four PPVs. What makes this extra disappointing is that WWE has been on a pretty good roll with their PPVs for the majority of this year. Can you say C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!?

Overall PPV Rating: 5 out of 10 Bealer Boners. Only rocking the half chub on this one folks.

The Raw Review 8/13/2012

WWE Monday Night RAW 8/13/2012
The American Airlines Arena Dallas, TX


Non-Title Match: CM Punk© vs The Big Show

We start right out of the gate with a non-title match between Punk and Big Show, and it barely got underway before it was over.

Finish: Daniel Bryan comes out acting like the crazy bastard he is. He then gets in the ring and applies The No Lock on Punk causing a DQ. The Big Show then joins in on the attack until John Cena runs down and makes the save.

Winner: CM Punk

Post Match: AJ skips down to the ring and makes a huge tag team main event pitting John Cena and CM Punk against The Big Show and Daniel Bryan.

Ryback vs JTG

I guess bitching and moaning works, as JTG gets a match on Raw. They even mention his negative remarks about the company on Twitter. I'm guessing the talent meeting went well, or they're waiting until after Linda McMahon's campaign to fire him and anyone else who has voiced their opinions as of late.

But even getting squashed by Ryback is progress. Right?

Finish: Ryback got fed.

Winner: Ryback

HBK backstage with Roddy Piper

Piper acts like a fool as Shawn Michaels  receives a phone call. Apparently Triple H is having travel issues and might not make it to the show.

Are they finally going to go ahead with having Lesnar destroy HBK? This will get heat back on the Lesnar/Triple H feud, and more importantly give Lesnar back his credibility as a monster. I mean lets face it, WWE has done nothing but devalue Brock since he returned earlier this year. So it is in their best interest to build the guy back up before the Pay Per View. And hopefully they wont job him out to Hunter this Sunday, even though I think we all know that's exactly what will happen.

Heath Slater vs R-Truth

Short and pointless match. And that's all I have to say about it.

Finish: Clothesline to Slater, followed by a Flatliner and Truth covers for the win.

Winner: R-Truth

Post Match: The Primetime Players come out and beat down Truth.

Without AW, this team will go nowhere. They were given a mouthpiece for a reason. Neither guy is good on the mic, and I don't see them getting over now that AW has been fired by WWE. I predict Trouble in Little Jimmy's Paradise will retain the Titles on Sunday.

Sin Cara vs Tensai

Sin Cara was pretty impressive in this match. Maybe that's because it was so damn short that he didn't have the opportunity to botch any moves.

Tensai continues his losing streak, and here we all thought that when he was losing to Tyson Kidd, it was because Kidd was getting a push. And now it's pretty obvious that it was just the beginning of a losing streak storyline for Tensai, which is pretty bogus.

Finish: Sin Cara hits a Tornado DDT to pick up the win.

Winner: Sin Cara

Post Match: Tensai beats up his follower yet again. Are we supposed to be caring about this? If so, you fail WWE.

The Piper's Pit with Chris Jericho

The fans got to vote on Piper's guest tonight in what was clearly a setup. I mean nobody was going to vote for The Miz, and so that left both Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler, who are feuding. So it makes sense to have Jericho come out, and then get interrupted by Ziggler or vice versa. And that is exactly what happened.

Jericho wins the vote, and after Piper rambled on and on, Dolph Ziggler crashes the party. They go back and forth until out comes The Miz to further show that this was all laid out in advance. The Miz says that he's taking over The Pit before excusing both Jericho and Piper. Instead Jericho pops Miz in the mouth and cleans house of both him and Ziggler.

Besides how blatantly they proved the voting to be a farce, I liked this. It helped to move along the Jericho/Ziggler storyline, and I am more excited to see that match then I am Hunter vs Lesnar. But WWE only has themselves to blame for that.

Dolph Ziggler vs Chris Jericho vs The Miz 

When we come back from break, we find out that AJ has made an impromptu Triple Threat match between the three.

This one was pretty good, and it went a long way to show how much Raw has improved in recent months. In the past we were only given one big match a week. Tonight we opened with CM Punk vs The Big Show, and now we are given a Triple Threat between three talented stars. Plus we still have the big tag team main event to come. It's obvious that the focus is now on better in-ring action, and I have no complaints about that.

Finish: Jericho hooks Miz in The Walls of Jericho, but Vicky distracts the referee. Ziggler comes in an nails The Zig Zag on Y2J to pick up the  big win going into Summerslam.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

Layla & Kaitlyn vs Beth Phoenix & Eve

This was actually pretty competitive for a Diva's match, and Kaitlyn was impressive.

Finish: Eve gets knocked off of the ring apron, followed be a quick roll up on Phoenix by Kaitlyn to get the win for her team.

Winners: Layla & Kaitlyn

CM Punk & John Cena vs The Big Show & Daniel Bryan

Punk's slow build to becoming a heel continues. Neither team worked really well together in this match, but surprisingly it was the team of Bryan and Big Show that was the most dysfunctional.

Finish: Punk mockingly began going through Cena's short list of moves. But when he went for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, Cena tagged himself in. Punk then decided to take his Title and walk away from the match. Cena was still able to pick up the win for his team.

Winners: CM Punk & John Cena

Post Match: Big Show goes to take out Cena, but Punk makes the save and nails Show in the head with The WWE Title. Punk then offers his hand to Cena who refuses, proving he is a giant piece of shit. Punk then walks off as Cena stares at Punk with a combination of shock and disgust.

Backstage: Josh Mathews catches up with CM Punk who says on Sunday he will teach John Cena and everyone else a lesson in respect.

Damien Sandow vs Christian

Sandow continues to impress me. The guy is good at what he does, and I honestly look forward to seeing him progress.

Finish: Brodus Clay comes out to distract Sandow but it doesn't work, and he is able to get the win over Captain Charisma

Winner: Damien Sandow

Brock Lesnar finds Shawn Michaels backstage. HBK hightails it.

If that's all that goes down between the two, I'll be pissed. It's starting to sound like I'm a HBK hater, huh? I assure you that is not the case. I just firmly believe this feud badly needs to pick up some heat. And what is the point of having Shawn on TV if he isn't going to take a beating from Brock?

The Brock Lesnar/Triple H contract signing

This will go down as the most underwhelming Contract signing in WWE history. They could have done so many things better here. First Lesnar calls out Shawn Michaels who just kind of stands around looking like he could piss himself at any second. Then Triple H's music hits, they both sign the contracts, and Lesnar leaves. THAT'S IT!!! What was the purpose in even doing an in-ring signing? I guess they felt they had to since they've done such a piss poor job of building this into a must see feud.

Afterward  Triple H and Shawn talk about the match backstage. Shawn then reiterates that he will be in Hunter's corner at Summerslam before walking off into the sunset. #Wasted Opportunity

And just when I say that...

IT FINALLY HAPPENS!!

Big Show is being interviewed in the back when screeching tires and a car horn loudly echo through the hallway. When the camera gets to the parking lot Paul Heyman has Shawn Michaels' car blocked. Shawn yells at Heyman to move his car, when out of nowhere Brock Lesnar strikes! He pulls Shawn out of his car, bumping the cameraman in the process and causing the picture to go out. We then hear a scuffle as the show goes to a break.

When we come back the roster is surveying the scene, but Shawn Michaels is gone. And so are Lesnar and Heyman. They show Shawn's car, and the windshield is destroyed. This reminded me of when Shawn was attacked by The Corporation in 1998. During that beating Shawn's face was driven through the windshield, and there was blood everywhere. I guess this was the PG answer to that segment.

Flashback to 1998:

Triple H shows up and demands answers.

Cut back into the arena as Brock carries HBK's beaten body to the ring. He tosses him in like a dead deer. Michaels gets to his feet only to be F-5'd by Lesnar. Brock then locks on the Kimura.

Triple H then comes down. Heyman warns Hunter that if he takes one more step, Brock will break HBK's arm. He stops, but Lesnar 'breaks' his arm anyway. Triple H chases Lesnar off as the EMT's rush to Shawn's aid. The show goes off the air with Lesnar looking at his handiwork approvingly.

This was good stuff. We will have to wait and see if it helps bring in PPV buys, but I think they could drag this out another month if they wanted. I wouldn't have said that last week, so the heat is there. Lets see where they go this Sunday. If Triple H beats him clean, this all would have been for nothing.