Sunday, September 23, 2012

Kayfabe Q&A: Cameron Large

When did you decide you wanted to be a Pro Wrestler?

I saw a poster, showed up at a free event, beat Jack Evans at Tekken, and then was offered a spot wrestling by the promoter, who said, 'You're too big to not wrestle'.

Who were your favorites growing up?

Growing up, I liked guys like Scott Steiner, Mankind, and Vader. Vader especially though. The way he threw guys around and mistreated them was pretty entertaining. Of course, after I became an adult, I found guys like Ric Flair more entertaining than I did as a child. Still though, guys who would put people over are by far the best. Vader is a great example of this, as Vader vs. Sting can attest to.

Was your family supportive of you becoming a wrestler? 

My family... well, that's an odd question. My father didn't know about it until about 6 months in, and my mother said, "Don't hurt yourself dearie" in her totally caring yet worried manner. She was supportive, paying for tickets to any event she was in driving distance to. She just wanted to see me perform. My father occasionally showed up, but when he did, he brought his girlfriend, her family members, and all sorts of people. I would say overall, I was supported, save for the times when I was injured.

Where did you train and what was it like?

I trained at a place called "The Havoc Haven". Honestly, I loved the training I got with the man who trained me. Dave "Havoc" Hollenbeck was (and still is) a ring wizard. The guy is actually trained in multiple legitimate martial arts styles, including Shotokan Karate, Jiujitsu, and other styles. We actually trained under the same martial arts trainer years before we met. I've trained with guys like Davey Richards and Tony Kozina after him, but I first trained with Dave, and I'll tell you, I didn't learn anything better than I did with him.

Years later, I still look to Dave for all of my personal wrestling questions. I talk to him often, to this day.

Have you gotten to meet many big names since you started? And if so, what was your impression of them?

What you consider a big name, I consider a co-worker. I'm a wrestler. Anybody I've met is a wrestler. Does it matter that it was Colt Cabana, or Dr. Tom Prichard, or Beau James? No. They're just wrestlers. They're all the same. Some might have more knowledge, but I could argue that I have as much, if not more knowledge than some guys on national television. It's almost an unfair question.

My favourite "Famous" guy I've ever met was Norman Smiley. He was a real badass, though, there, I name dropped and told you someone I idolize at the same time.

What is your favorite match that you have competed in so far, and why?

Honestly? I've enjoyed all of them. I've enjoyed the brutal physical combat with Mike Santiago, I've enjoyed the candid cartoonishness of wrestling Marion Gein, and I've enjoyed the oldschool brawls with Hoss TuLL. I really enjoyed wrestling with Havoc, when I was one of the Lovejoy boys, and I've enjoyed the physical ass kicking I gave and received against JD Mason. I challenge myself to bring the best out of my opponent. As a heel, my job isn't to look good, it's to make my opponent be the best he can be, and I strive to deliver every time I'm in the ring.

Who is your dream opponent?

Honestly? Nobody. I'm done fighting. I'm the most hated guy in the NW. Without a true face in this area, I refuse to continue to wrestle. I've challenged Tony Kozina to a legitimate exchange after I watched his worked "shoot match" with a 16 year old kid, and he avoids responding. I've challenged anybody to fight me for real, and they've told me "No."

Nobody in this area is willing to brawl with me, and that's sad. It's really sad. I'm even willing to work it and say it's a legitimate fight, but people fear me. It's not that I'm gonna hurt them, it's that I'm gonna make them realize what it takes to be a real wrestler. It's either that, or a real pay-out. No promoter in the PNW has given a real pay-out in their entire lives.

What is the toughest and/or easiest part about being a wrestler?

The toughest part is easily getting beat up, disrespected, and mistreated for little to no money. I wouldn't suggest wrestling as a career opportunity for anyone. It's bullshit, and nobody is willing to give you the time of day unless you're unnaturally well built. If you're 6'5 and have the body that all the ladies want, you have a chance, but I know guys who are immaculately constructed at 5'11 and nobody gives a crap. You know what they say, you can train anybody to be a wrestler, but you can't train anybody to be 6'5".

It's garbage, but it's true. Wrestling is about looks these days. I'll never make a million dollars being a fat ass who can do the same moves that a guy who has abs can do.

Any funny stories from your time in the business?

Okay, so, this one time, I was in my car, we were doing a double shot (I know you guys love lingo!) and we stopped at this guy's house halfway through. We fell asleep at 5AM in his parking lot, but I never turned off my headlights, because I forgot they were on because it was already sunlight. My car died, and I woke up the next morning to the asshole in my passenger seat elbowing my window. I calmed him down, and we shouted out the 1 inch crack in my window to a lady who unlocked my car, which was dead, so my door locks wouldn't work in my beat to shit 1989 Acura Legend. WE WERE TRAPPED IN MY CAR. Yeah, so, she unlocked my car.

Also, I boxed another guy in a locker room that was the size of a bathroom with 25 guys in it.
And in the same building, I had the state commission threaten me because I got busted in the face with a mirror by an opponent and bled all over the place.

What do you think about the PG direction of the current WWE product?

I haven't watched WWE in so long, I do not understand what you mean by PG direction. I seriously do not watch professional wrestling, ever. The only things I know are the things other people mention to me, and I occasionally watch something on youtube because it's 4AM and I'm drunk and have exhausted my supply of "LETS PLAY" videos. (Those are where podcasters play video games and give commentary.)

The business as a whole is down right now. What do you think needs to change to help it grow to where it was in the late 90's?

The business is down because the cat's been let out of the bag, and people are offended that it's fake. They aren't saying it, but the big problem is, "YOU TRICKED ME!" It's like, they're offended because Hulk Hogan is just a tall guy with a great body who can't really fight, but they don't care that Jesus or Santa Claus doesn't really exist.

It's funny, how hypocritical the United States is. We're talking about a group of people who are willing to suspend disbelief for so many things, but not for gladiator sports. They want to see people get hurt for real, they're animals. I can get people to show up to watch me fight an MMA guy, but they don't REALLY care if it's obviously a fake fight between me and an opponent. America has given up on theatre, and promoted reality television, which they are still too stupid to realize is the next generation of theatre.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?

5 years from now? In Graduate School, finishing up my courses so I can teach English, write shitty poetry, and teach political discourse classes. I'm going to be a college professor, and I might have started late, but I'm never going to give up educating people. I've done nothing but learn and teach wrestling since I got involved, and I hope to do the same in every academic thing I get involved in. Hell, I might be Mayor in 5 years, you'll never know.

Any upcoming shows you would like to plug?

No. There are no upcoming shows that showcase my talent, and I've not made a single friend in wrestling that I'd be willing to plug an event for. The only group that are worth mentioning is HPG Pro, and they're a legitimate outfit of Brazilian Jiujitsu fighters. They're not even Pro Wrestlers. I guarantee it's more entertaining than any fake fighting you'll see in this area, and if I'd work anywhere, you'll see me there.

Why did you get involved with it if you Dislike it so much? Or did you lose interest afterwards?

It's not that. The political structure of wrestling is horrible.

But what about the other side of the curtain? The part where you go out and entertain the crowds. Do you still find that redeemable?

If promoters do not promote, there isn't enough of an audience to feel like it's worth breaking my body anymore. There isn't anyone who can successfully produce an event AND a paycheck in this area that is currently running events.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The Fast Forward Raw Review

By Bret Bealer

Heisenbealer here, taking over for our fearless leader on the Raw Review this week. Why a fast forward review? Because I watch this crap on Youtube and skip the, well, crap! Not to mention three hours (okay fine, two and a quarter hours on Youtube thanks to the removal of brain cell killing TV ads) should probably be enough to kill a normal man. I don’t know how you guys do it.

So we open with a recap of what happened before the show went on the air. Punk and King punking (because I’m the Pun King) on each other in the back, throwing punches and each other back and forth and the refs trying to keep them apart. Punk even had the audacity to throw out the classic insult of “Stupid shirt!”. Truly heelish stuff here folks.

After the recap Shaymoose makes his way out to the ring pretty much just long enough to say “Hi” to the “Shicargo” crowd and mention Alberto Del Rio before Mr. Cookie Monster Punk interrupts the World Heavyweight Champ on the stage. The WWE Champ gets a warm welcome from his hometown. He claims that Lawler attacked him first, and from behind. Which I guess is the whole reason they put it on before the show started, so Punk could make that claim without getting called out on it.

He continues on with the same stuff we’ve already heard and catch ups for anyone who only watches the show once a month. When he gets the part about disrespect, Sheamus jumps in to point out that Punk is disrespecting him as WH Champion. He makes a good point. Unfortunately, instead of WWE taking the opportunity to show both titles are equal, they have Punk bury the WHC, and Smackdown by extension, as second best. Look, we all know it’s true and we’ve known it for years. But Sheamus doesn’t even take a stab at rebutting that statement. No wonder Smackdown is shedding ratings like Staples sheds ass hair. GM Tits McGee comes out to make a Champion Vs Champion match between Punk and Sheamus for later in the night.

FASTFORWARD through the Wicked Witch Of The WWE's yammering her “EXCUSE ME”s to a rematch from Smackdown in Dolph “I think I just heard Staples blow a load” Ziggler and Randy “Berg’s turn” Orton. I don’t watch Smackdown, but this was the best match I’ve seen out of Orton since his 60 day high. Dolph sold throughout the match like a beast, as usual. I was wondering if they were going to have him lose AGAIN after just losing to Orton on Smackdown, but I was pleasantly surprised to see him get the win, even if it was by grabbing the tights.

I’m just starting to wonder when, if ever, Dolph is going to look dominant. I know many guys have made a career out of squeaking out wins, but Ziggler deserves much more than that. At least he’s still pretty young, so he’s got plenty of time to blossom into the pretty pink flower he wants to be.

Miz makes his way down to the ring to work the commentary booth for the rest of the night, and completely drops a notch on my respect totem pole I keep in my closet to rank ever wrestler. His voice didn’t sound the same. He sound like a 12 year old version of himself, both in his choice of words and the actual sound of his voice. He wasn’t bad, but REALLY? REALLY? If Punk wasn’t going to wrestle they could have at least given that position to him. Lazy fuckin’ bum.

Then we get the first of some number more than one of D-Bry and Kane’s anger management program bits. It was good, not as great as the other ones. They drew anger collages. Bryan said “YES” and “NO” a few times, and Kane summoned fire in a trash can to burn his. Which makes me wonder why he doesn’t do that to his opponents. Anyway, typical stuff.

Our next FAST FORWARD was for a tag match seeing Rey and Sin Cara against Tensai and Cody Rhodes. I don’t care for three out of four guys in this match, hence the double speed through this one. I don’t think Cara botched, so there’s something. The best thing about this match was the idea in my head that Cody and Tensai could form a tag team and put on hilarious backstage skits of Rhodes giving Prince Albert dashing fashion advice. It’d be like a modern era Billy and Chuck, but without the homosensuality. And Sakamoto would make a great Rico. Back on topic, Sin Cara pins Rhodes for the win.

Another anger management class with DB and Kane. Doing trust falls this time. Woooo. Look, these are some of the better things on the show, but I feel like they’re milking it too fast. I’d rather people not get tired of Bryan, but hey, that’s just me. Kane and DB bond over not catching Harold during his trust fall. D’awwwww.

Aaaaaand if it wasn’t bad enough that WWE was showcasing Punk’s matches halfway through a two hour show, now they’re putting them a third of the way through a three hour show. Or so they’d have you believe. I knew something was amiss when Cunt Magnet Punk didn’t come down in his gear and instead was still in his jeans from the top of the show. He continues on the respect slant, and says his hometown crowd will respect that he’s not wrestling a match and is taking Labor Day off for himself.

GENIUS! I love the idea of Punk ACTUALLY not wrestling a match IN HIS HOMETOWN. They’re really stepping on the gas in the CM Punk Heelmobile. He gets a little more heelish each week, and the hometown hero snubbing the crowd is a great tactic. I’m sure Chicagoans disagree with me, but as far as story goes it’s great. I just hope they can continue to increase the heel incline next, and each week after.

Backstage AJ tries unsuccessfully tries to stop Punk from leaving, and gets in a burn on Striker by not knowing who he is. Gotta love Vince sticking it to his employees through other employees on national TV. AJ apparently makes the sage-like decision to send Job Swagger out to face Mayo Thunder. And my FAST FORWARD button is getting a lot of work tonight. After what I’m sure was a Match Of The Year shoe in, Sheamus slaps on the submission and Miz gets his best line of the night with “TEXAS CLOVERLEAF, SON!”. ADR rushes that guy from Metallica’s younger brother from another Irish mother and eats some White Noise for his trouble, setting up for the Brogue Kick which Ricardo straight Supermans himself in front of for his boss. Ricardo is definitely the best thing about Del Rio.

Divas match next, which is the one true FAST FORWARD of the night. Don’t even ask me who was in the match. I already sold my fucks for some blue meth so I have none left to give. Afterwards Swagger is seen leaving backstage, and when AJ tries to convince him to stay he tells her he’s taking some extended time off. Whoops, looks like I had one fuck left to give. Spend it well Mr. Swagger. AJ starts cracking under the pressure of everyone leaving, and it’s making me think she isn’t going to be GM for much longer. We’ll see.

Anger Management Part The Third. Bryan and Kane make nice temporarily, until Kane claims he could eviscerate Bryan, which offers Bryan a golden line on a silver plate of “It’s hard to EVISCERATE when you’re TAPPING OUT.” They blah blah blah some more and the anger management doctor gets angry. Seriously genius stuff here folks. Like, Kafkaesque. Bitch. Out at the booth Cole tells us we can go on Twatter to Queet for all our Swallowers to see what we want to see from Bryan and Kane. #WWEmatch for them to face each other, #WWEtag for them to team up, or the obvious choice #WWEhug that you know every MARK will pick. What, all out of #WWEAJblowme’s?

Next FAST FORWARD is reserved for Jinder Derp Dinder and Ryback, who I’m still not even close to being sold on. I like that he’s energetic, but he comes off so goofy. His little evolved Heil Hitler arm motions, the bouncing and bobbing (so much bobbing), and every crowd that isn’t full of inbred Siamese brother-sister-cousins chanting “GOLDBERG” just make it so I can’t take him seriously. He’s just like every other big guy on a debut streak, but he got lucky with a good catchphrase that the crowd is into. It’s really his only saving grace. I’m still waiting for RVD to show up and take his ring gear back.

The official theme song for Night Of Champions is a song from that fat fuck from Summerslam, Fred Durst, Lil Wang, and another black guy.  I think my dick just retreated so far into my body that it came out my ass. I literally fucked myself inside out. #WWEshootme

But Cole thinks it’s awesome and has been listening to it all day. I’m sold. Just put a sticker of Cole on that album with that ringing endorsement and I’ll buy twenty. Yeah, twenty. That should be enough to kill myself choking on.

We see Bryan and Kane for the fourth time tonight (told you, milking) and everyone knows they’re going to have to hug. First they refuse, then the chest bump which the ref in all his unquestionable power (seriously, what’s he going to do?) says isn’t good enough, then again, then Bryan hugs Kane. BUT KANE DOES NOT RECIPROCATE SAID HUG. He truly is a monster. Ref still says it ain’t good enough. So Kane hugs Bryan, BUT NOW BRYAN RETURNS THE FAVOR BY NOT RETURNING THE HUG. Years of stalling later, they finally both hug and shake hands. Oscar worthy stuff here folks.

Look, this was funny and all, but go back and watch it and realize how much time this ate up. This is what we get with three hours of Raw. Good stuff gets drawn out until it’s bad, bad stuff until it’s pureed shit, and the pureed shit LITERALLY (I’m using literally literally, and not sarcastically /sarcasm) causes tens of thousands of people to go all Chris Benoit on their selves and their loved ones. This all of course breaks down into a brawl and the feud continues.

Another FAST FORWARD moment, as Berg’s future husband and dominatrix Santino makes his way to the ring. Just by zipping through I can already tell I’m going to really like Cesaro once he faces someone other than the Italian Doink The Clown. Santino has more Cobra malfunctions and Cesaro picks up the 1 2 3.

Oh for Jesus Titty Fucking Christ’s sake, another FAST FORWARD match. I don’t give a flying pig’s shit for either Slater or Ryder. Sorry if that hit you right in the feels, bro, but I feel about the same for Ryder as I do for Ryback. A guy that got lucky with a few good catchphrases and was willing to take the Matt Hardy route and pander to fans online. Yawn. Someone wins, yippee! Did you really care?

At this point, I’m catching up from Monday night, because I passed right the fuck out sometime around the end of the Kane/D Bry brawl. Thickie Vickie comes out and I almost smash the FAST FORWARD button into tiny blue crystals. At some point in my skipping I see Vickie arguing with a chair. LOVE IT. Clint Eastwood, henceforth known as Cleastwood, should get a guest spot and ramble on incoherently with Vickie. Someone backstage much have translated the sound of mating barn owls that is Vickie’s voice into some form of coherent English, or at least enough for GMAJ to know she needs to skip dat ass down to the ring.

Apparently AJ was naughty and needs a spanking. What? No? Fucking PG. Instead, she has to APOLOGIZE to Vickie for slapping her last week and not hit anyone anymore. So of course Vickie slaps her. Twice. Yeah, I’m putting my money on GMAJ not being GM for much longer. GMAJ crams four days of menstruation into 30 seconds and beats on the ring with the chair Vickie was arguing with. Poor chair.

For the main event we get Cena Nuff against Alberto in a Falls Count Anywhere match. I have a soft spot in my hardened heart for FCA matches. If done right, they’re awesome. This one was….okay. Don’t really care for ADR and Cena is, well, Cena. This match played out like your typical Cena match, with his getting his ass kicked (See: carried) almost the entire time. They eventually work their way backstage where Punk, who left early so by WWE law had to come back later to screw over his PPV opponent, ambushed Cena to give ADR the win.

Afterwords, Punk nails Cena with a GTS on a car instead of his knee. Punk then heads into the car to drive off, with none other than PAUL FUCKING HEYMAN! Have I said “YES YES YES” yet this review? No? Well. *Ahem* YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! Punk’s storyline is really what’s kept me interested in WWE this last year or so, and I’ve always loved Heyman, so this is like a wet dream come true for me. Bald men do that to me. So where does this lead? A Punk/Brock alliance? Not? Come on over the Corner on Facebook, or sound off in the comments and let us know.

P.S. I wrote this on my bedroom floor next to an open tampon and just noticed. EW EW EW! NO NO NO!
P.P.S. It’s over when I say it’s over.
P.P.P.S. It’s over

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Kayfabe Q&A: Hoss Tull

When did you decide you wanted to be a Pro Wrestler?

I wasn't interested in Professional Wrestling until I was about 14 years old. That would have been around 1984.

Who were your favorite wrestlers?

In the beginning it was Hulk Hogan. Then Randy Savage. After watching WWF for a few I found the NWA and discovered the Road Warriors.

Was your family supportive of you becoming a wrestler? 

That was never an issue. I was actually on the path to the UWF training school in 1989. But those plans fell through.

Where did you train and what was it like?

I was introduced to Dave Hollenbeck, known as HAVOC at PINNACLE Wrestling in Pacific, WA. Training at PINNACLE was awesome at the time. Mainly because a majority of us, about 13-20 people, were all so new to the experience of being trained in Professional Wrestling. It was a fantasy come true.

How long have you been competing?

I have been wrestling for almost 8 years. But that would include training. So mid August 2004 was when I started training. And then by that winter myself and a majority of the boys were traveling to Oregon to work for WCWC in Salem and Rainier.

Sinn Bohdi aka Kizarny and Hoss Tull
Have you met many big names since you started? If so, what was your impression of them?

I have met and worked shows with HAVOC, Jake "The Snake" Roberts (douchebag), Babydoll, Kizarny, Raven, Nick "Eugene" Densmore (awesome dude), Davey Dick...I mean Richards, Tiny Kozina, Jack Evans, Beau James, Dr. Tom Pritchard, Harry Smith (slave name DH smith), TJ Wilson (slave name Tyson Kidd). Obviously I do NOT like Jake Roberts, Douchey Richards or Tiny Kozina. They are just horrible people no matter how talented they may or may not be.

What is your favorite match that you have competed in so far?

I liked working with Exile and CW Bergstrom. But my matches with HAVOC are what really stand out in my mind.

Who is your dream opponent?

Angelina Love in a Bra and Panties match? No? Maybe against Dutch Savage in a No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere, Last Man Standing Coal Miners Glove Match. MY specialty.

What is the toughest and/or easiest part about being a wrestler?

The part that is most difficult now is the fact that almost everybody in the Pacific Northwest is so clueless as to what Professional Wrestling IS. The easiest part, well that is being a part of HPG Pro and our training in KUMA PRO. KUMA PRO will be the next generation of what fighting has to offer. All the finesse of JUDO, power of Sumo, and discipline of Jiu Jitsu.

What do you think about the PG direction of the current WWE product?

I completely stopped watching WWEvil a few months ago, so I cannot comment.

The business as a whole is down right now. What do you think needs to change to help it grow to where it was in the late 90's?

The way that WWEvil is ruining...I mean running business is NOT what Professional Wrestling was when I first started watching it. But that is evolution right? Regardless of my opinion, Pro Wrestling as a whole needs a big extra strength douche to clean out all the crap & crustiness. There are too many people running around calling themselves Professional Wrestlers when they have not had a day of training to back it up. Too many Indy companies that think just because they own a ring and a license that they're actually promoters, when the fact is if you want to be a promoter the work needs to be done, just like if you want to be a good wrestler, you train.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?

Not absolutely sure on that. I am sure that I will NOT be wrestling for any of the current PNW (Pacific Northwest) Indy companies. I am focusing on HPG Pro and KUMA PRO. Otherwise I'd really want to travel to bookings outside of the Pacific Northwest.

Any upcoming shows you would like to plug?

Any upcoming events will be advertised on my facebook page,
Contact me at hosstull@gmail or my facebook inbox, Serious inquiries only please.

Also be sure to 'LIKE' : HPG Pro, Hoss TuLL, The Infamous History of Pro Wrestling, and "The Crown Jewel of the West Coast" Cameron Large's facebook pages.

Thanks to ALL the real deal wrestling fans. You are the reason we do what we do.